What About Marriage?
The word marriage often conjures up in the unwed woman fairy tales, white gowns, princes on white horses and living happily ever after. For blokes they think it just means a lifetime of guaranteed sex, cooked breakfasts and weekends with the guys.
We often have fantastic ideas about matrimony that are so far removed from reality.
I believe in marriage. I think it is honourable and right. I believe it to be the best environment for a child to be raised. I believe it gives society protection and strength.
I believe it can be and should be the most wonderful relationship between two people on earth.
I believe that God says in his word that marriage is the reflection of Jesus' relationship with the Church. It is supposed to reflect Christ and the church, His bride.
NOW whether most of our marriages reflect this I doubt.
I know mine doesn't and I am a Christian who believes it should.
Why are so many marriages failing?
Paul wrote in the book of Romans 12:18 'If it is possible as much as depends on you live peaceably with all men".
This would also include spouses or partners.
If you find it hard to live at peace with each other when married and need to be apart then even apart you need to live at peace with each other.
Spouses, then, need to live at peace with each other, even if they are living apart.
I have seen and experienced that the world and it's family court system and even well meaning family and friends can force you into living in such a way with your estranged partner that does not produce the ability to have peace.
The desire to be a lifelong spouse is inherently placed in all of us, as it was God's plan in the first place.
He created us in His image, Father, Son and Holy Ghost. The trinity has a workable relationship between them. They all carry out different functions and roles yet work harmoniously with each other.
This is our example.
Our relationships are to be between each other and God. A three strand cord is not easily broken.
So What's Really Going Wrong?
Why are so many marriages in dysfunction?
Why are so many couples unable to remove the unnecessary stress from their relationships?
Where have we gone wrong?
Marriage is not about what's in it for me.
It is a honourable agreement that we come into with another to serve and love the other.
God doesn't leave us guessing or in the dark about what we are supposed to do or be for each other.
His book spells it out clearly.
The problem lies within us and our rebellion towards God's ways.
We like to define for ourselves what we think our marriage should and will look like.
We want to be in control to decide things and we think we are as smart as God(who invented it) or smarter.
We convince ourselves that anything to do with how marriage was created or began, or anything to do with how it used to be long ago is not for us, today.
That we are more sophisticated and learned now to be able to redefine marriage and relationships.
The more we try to redefine marriage the more FERAL we act.
But what if it doesn't and the marriage falls apart?
Broken Cord
So what happens when one person decides to change the rules of the game?
When one person makes fundamental decisions by themselves that change the course of your life?
I don't believe you get to change the rules of play without agreement or at the very least taking into consideration the other parties wishes and needs and working a way that fits with both people.
Sometimes this cannot happen and an impasse is met. This is when love really has to operate.
But what if it doesn't and the marriage falls apart?
Well of course devastation hits, shattered dreams, broken hearts.
But what about the practical stuff? Such as who lives where, visitation rights for the children, child support, decisions to be made over where the children will now go to school and the list goes on.
I have had experience in this department, and after many years and much experience I have a new perspective on how to handle marriage break-ups.
I believe that society has placed an expectation upon us that I am not sure even God Himself does.
I believe that society's expectation for us to have to deal with the party that has defrauded us in some way is wrong.
If you were in business and your business partner defrauded you and you had to split, people would be telling you to stay away from such a one.
But in marriage when it goes belly up there is an expectation for us to continue working with the other party especially when children are involved.
Now I do believe that some people can do this and want to do this, and that is fine if it is a choice they make and not something they are forced into.
But what about the ones that don't want to and are forced to by the system or pressure coming from peers, family or society in general?
There are situations and more than people want to admit that the reason you are apart is because one party does not wish to work with the other.
Obviously the defrauding party didn't think the relationship or family was worth it before they defrauded.
So why, now apart does society and government force us to be entangled.
There are times, after a break-up, that I think spouses should not be forced to continue to deal with each other.
I believe that the person who is defrauded should be the one to decide how much if any they wish to deal with the other party.
There are times, after a break-up, that I think spouses should not be forced to continue to deal with each other.
I believe that the person who is defrauded should be the one to decide how much if any they wish to deal with the other party.
Paul wrote in the book of Romans 12:18 'If it is possible as much as depends on you live peaceably with all men".
This would also include spouses or partners.
If you find it hard to live at peace with each other when married and need to be apart then even apart you need to live at peace with each other.
Spouses, then, need to live at peace with each other, even if they are living apart.
I have seen and experienced that the world and it's family court system and even well meaning family and friends can force you into living in such a way with your estranged partner that does not produce the ability to have peace.
